FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

FRESH HUMAN MEAT FOR SALE!

Animal rights activists say meat is murder - and buying a steak is no different than buying a corpse. So they covered themselves in fake blood and wrapped themselves in plastic, like meat sold at supermarkets for a protest in New York City earlier this week

PANTLESS SATURDAYS

Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman celebrate Pantless Saturdays.

EMAIL OF THE DAY

MY HUSBAND WANTS TO BE “DOWNTOWN” WHEN I GIVE BIRTH

MORE PICTURES!!! CHEWY VS THE NAZIS!!!

POLICE OFFICER DOES A LITTLE JIG

CLICK TO WATCH

This police officer in Sweden sure does have some sweet moves! Who knew cops there were so fun? The officer gets out of his vehicle, and gives the crowd quite a dance show

WHAT THE F### PRODUCT OF THE DAY “HICKEY TATOOS”!

FONSECA TV

OUT TO LUNCH

Dog and turtle eat Cheerios together.

FUNNY

The meanest prank ever

FONSECA WIERD STUFF

ANNOYING THINGS DO AT THE GYM THAT WILL NEVER GET THEM A DATE

Some men go to the gym to work out. But as you know, that’s not the only reason. For men on the prowl, gyms offer all the prime elements: sparse dressing, oodles of beautiful women, a casual atmosphere – the perfect place that’s quiet enough to rope unsuspecting victims into conversations about bench pressing or a new speedboat. Here’s a helpful tip: You are not securing a date, you are completely and totally turning us off. And giving us a good laugh with our girlfriends a few hours later.

Here are 25 annoying or wimpy things guys do at gyms - even when they are not trying to pick us ladies up:

1. Sneaking peeks at themselves in the mirror. Yes, we see you.

2. Doing a Zumba class. Clarification: Doing a Zumba class really well. (Zumba is a salsa-style dance/workout class)

3. Performing the abductor or adductor machine in the “girls” section, especially after the 60-year-old grandma just hops off. (These are the inner and outer thigh machines)

4. Wearing super-tight shorts to lift weights.

5. Wearing super-loose shorts to lift weights.

6. Wearing two different color socks or sneakers or laces. On purpose.

7. Excessive sweating. Yes, you can help it. There are medications. Or towels.

8. Taking the treadmill right next to ours when there are 50 others open.

9. Talking to us while we are on that treadmill (because you know that no matter how fast we run, we can’t get away from you).

10. Thinking it’s okay to leave that puddle of sweat-water underneath your Spin bike. Dude, the towel!

11. Stalking our bench (or us?) so you can jump on it the minute we finish, as if using any of the other 40 machines at that exact moment in time would ruin your entire workout.

12. All that moaning and grunting. Is that really what you would sound like? And, if you need to grunt and yell out, those weights are probably way too heavy for you.

13. Spandex anything.

14. Talking loud with your boys about personal stuff no one wants to hear: how hungover you are, how bad you need to go to the bathroom, problems with your ladies, how you just “let one go”…

15. Taking your shirt off during a workout. We don’t care how big your pecs are. There should be a rule…

16. Carrying huge milk jugs of water around. Really, you can’t just refill a normal water bottle at the fountain?

17. Explaining how we’re doing that exercise all wrong, and acting like you are the ultimate authority on working out.

18. Asking me, “How many reps do you have left?” either as an icebreaker or as a way to intimidate us into relinquishing our machines. (Actually, we only have one set left, but because you asked us that, we’re going to tell you we have three.)

19. Forgetting to wipe off the Nautilus equipment after you use it, leaving those shiny “wet patches” on the black vinyl.

20. Wearing sweat bands. It’s not 1982 anymore.

21. Dousing the cologne. We’re doing a lot of huffing and puffing here, and oxygen is at a premium, ya know? It’s enough to make us pass out, and at least sweat is natural and not a caustic chemical that smells bad to boot.

22. Talking on your cell phone. But that goes for everyone.

23. Muscle shirts, tank tops, racer-back tops … the whole lot. Especially if your body hair density approaches anything close to that of Roman Polanski.

24. Those BIG headphones. Yes, more secure than ear buds when you’re on the move, but they look so goofy.

25. Taking steroids. We can tell. We can all tell.

Did we miss any??

USE THESE CANDIES TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE

Candy Necklace - Turn one of these into an edible garter. Wear it underneath a skirt or dress, give your guy a sneak peek while you’re out, then have him eat it off you slooowly when you get home.

Melted Chocolate - Warm up a chocolate bar in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it’s gooey around the edges but not totally melted. Stand in the tub without the water on or on top of an old sheet and have him use the bar to draw a trail down your body. Ask him to lick it up without lifting his tongue off of your skin.

Warheads - Blindfold your guy or send him into another room. Suck on the sour candy for a few seconds before running it over five unexpected hot spots on your body—like behind your knees, on your left nip, or near your collarbone. Then he has to use his sense of taste to find those areas. If he gets all five right, pass him a Warhead and ask him to challenge you.

Sour Belts - While you’re making out, use the belts to playfully whip each other’s butts. Spanking releases feel-good endorphins and dopamine, which up the pleasure factor and increase arousal and excitement.

Hot Tamales Candy Spray - Use the spray version of this red-hot cinnamon candy to graffiti each other’s bodies. See which one of you can come up with the naughtiest image or dirtiest phrase. And yeah, you should take turns licking it off.

Candy Buttons - Peel off the dots, lick the back then stick them to all the places you want your guy to pay extra attention to. He has to eat them off your body before you switch roles.

YEP, YOUR CELL PHONE IS DIRTIER THAN A TOILET BOWL FLUSHER (HANDLE)

In general, the elevated levels of bacteria found on cell phones aren’t immediately harmful, but can act as breeding ground for more serious germs. Cleaning your phone with an alcohol wipe should sufficiently detoxify it. Ewwwwwww!!!

ZAC EFRON PARTIES AT NYC STRIP CLUB

During a recent trip to New York City promoting his new film, Charlie St. Cloud, Zac Efron and his High School Musical cast mate Corbin Bleu were spotted partying at Flashdancers Gentlemen’s Club from midnight until 3AM. They were seated in a VIP area behind the stage ordering bottles of vodka and showering the dancers with money. They reportedly bought several private dances with three girls in particular. In all, they spent about $2000 in three hours.

MIRANDA KERR & ORLANDO BLOOM ARE EXPECTING?

Victoria’s Secret model and newlywed Miranda Kerr is reportedly pregnant. She and Orlando Bloom married in a secret ceremony earlier this month after dating for three years, and rumors had been running rampant that Miranda was expecting. Sources say she’s about three months along, and is excited about becoming a mom, which she has talked about often in interviews along with her desire to settle down with Bloom. No word yet how this will affect Miranda’s modeling career with Victoria’s Secret.

MEL GIBSON TAPES ALL RECORDED IN ONE NIGHT

RadarOnline is now explaining the origin of the Mel Gibson tapes, and of course it’s a little scary. Mel made thirty phone calls to Oksana between the hours of 8PM and 6AM on February 18^th, after she fled his Malibu mansion. Included in those 30 phone calls are eight voicemails that are still being released. In one message Mel says: “Just making sure you’re awake, if you were trying to sleep. Because I am awake – and you deserve to be.” Oksana had previously told authorities investigating Mel for domestic violence that he made a series of threatening calls on February 18^th. Mel has still not commented on the tapes, and has only been seen publicly in the last few days after staying off the radar for the last month.

JENNIFER ANISTON TO STAR IN MOVIE WITH OLD SPICE GUY

Isaiah Mustafa, the former NFL player better known today as ‘the Old Spice guy’ continues to watch his star rise as it was announced yesterday that he’ll join the cast of Horrible Bosses with Jennifer Aniston and Jason Bateman. He also has a talent agreement with NBC, a guest spot on Chuck, and a role in Tyler Perry’s next movie. Mustafa is thrilled with the sudden success and has expressed interest in playing superheroes, but many are still wondering if he’ll be accepted in roles other than his one for Old Spice, with whom he still has a few months left on his contract

LINDSAY LOHAN STEWING IN JAIL

Lindsay Lohan’s attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, told cameras outside the jail yesterday that Lindsay is upset over the prospect of going directly from jail to rehab because she wanted some time with her family first. Judge Revel has been very clear about Lindsay going to rehab as soon as possible after finishing her jail sentence and there isn’t likely to be any leeway granted here. Holley also said that Lindsay has been eating the jail’s food and looks ‘great’. She’s expected to be released this weekend after serving less than two weeks of her twelve-week sentence.

SIMON MONJACK SPENT ALL OF BRITTANY MURPHY’S MONEY?

Brittany Murphy’s former business manager, Jeffery Morgenroth, has come forward to claim that Simon Monjack completely cleaned out Brittany’s pension and bank accounts before his death. Morgenroth says there were huge amounts of money in the accounts that is now gone, and he has concerns about Brittany’s mother, Linda, who is now facing a lot of financial uncertainty. Simon’s mother, on the other hand, is said to be after everything that’s left, including the late couple’s home – where Linda is still living.

RACHEL UCHITEL WALKS OUT OF CELEBRITY REHAB

Rachel Uchitel reportedly quit Celebrity Rehab after the first day of filming and fled to a hotel, where producers then talked her into coming back the next morning. An inside source says that Rachel was overwhelmed by the scrutiny involved in recovery and her instinct was to escape. She has apparently never faced her issues before, and was pushed over the edge. The show’s producers allegedly made her realize that if she continues to run from her problems she’ll never be able to live a healthy life.

TIBITS OF GOSSIP I DON’T CARE ABOUT

• The new issue of Star has pictures of Angelina Jolie involving heroin, a dog leash, and black nipple tape that were sold to them by Jolie’s old drug buddy. Seriously.
• The latest reports say that Jessica Simpson is in talks with Fox to become a judge on American Idol.
• Susan Lucci has made a book deal to write her memoir.
• Amy Fisher is about to produce and star in four porno films. The married mother of three has done this before but only with women as not to upset her husband.
• Condoleezza Rice played the piano for several songs while Aretha Franklin sang at a charity concert this week. Reports are that Condi was fine but played it safe.
• Officials say that the only reason Lindsay Lohan got to keep her hair extensions in jail is because they were too hard to remove.
• Russell Crow says that he wont leave Australia for at least the end of the year because he wants to spend time with his kids.
• Diablo Cody welcomed her first baby on Tuesday, a boy named Marcello Daniel.
• Bob Barker has quickly apologized for saying that Drew Carey fails to add much excitement to The Price Is Right.

FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

SAFE SEX

I’m not sure where this is but it probably isn’t America.

DUE FOR A COMEBACK!!!

CLICK HERE

The 19 Most Regrettable Pop Culture Tattoos. I for one think that there’s still plenty of time for Alf to come back

STUDIO WEB CAM

EMAIL OF THE DAY

WHAT DOES IT MEAN WHEN A GUY CALLS YOU “CUTE”?

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FIGHT!

Drop the gloves! Most adorable hockey fight ever.

BIEBER TEASER

FONSECA WEIRD STUFF

DIVORCE LAWYERS USE FACEBOOK TO DIG UP STUFF FOR THEIR CASES

A recent survey by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers found 81 percent of their members are seeing a rise in divorce cases involving social networking evidence - mainly from Facebook. The same way casinos are designed without clocks and corners to make you forget how long you’ve been gambling, Facebook seems to hav cyber-blindness as to how many people you’re actually sharing info with.

That would be… well, let’s see: The average user has 130 friends, and those friends might share with their friends, and so on until you can’t even do the math, except to say that there are now half a billion members on the site. The other problem is human nature. We love to show off, and often post to boast (a knee-wobbly date, the tenth margarita, the view from Hotel Fiji), all of which, depending where you stand, can ruin a divorce case - or give you ammo, girlfriend. Of the divorce lawyers who have admitted that they mine Facebook for a smoking gun, they offer these 5 Facebook tips if you’re dealing with divorce:

1. He can block, but he can’t hide. In looking for evidence, even if you can’t get on your husband’s page, check out what his friends (including any woman he might be messing around with) are up to: You may find his photos or posts on someone else’s wall, or through his business contacts. It’s also worth seeing if you can get a mutual friend to go on his page for you.

2. Don’t discuss anything on Facebook that’s going on in court or between you and your lawyer.

3. Remember, the Wall has eyes: No matter what privacy settings you have, a friend may share your info. Also attorneys sometimes get permission to seize your computer and give it to a forensics specialist, who can find just about anything you have ever typed, scanned, posted, or deleted.

4. Restrain from de-Facing the ex: In the last couple of years, it’s gotten trendy to go straight from divorce court to turning your spouse into blog-kill. On Facebook, it’s even more tempting because you can trash the other person in front of all of your mutual friends. The thing is, you risk being slapped with a restraining order or, worse, being sued for slander or libel - especially if there are kids involved, and even more especially, if they’re on Facebook.

5. When it’s over, close that “Book.” A lot of people can’t stop visiting their ex on Facebook. It’s natural to want to know that the other person is miserable. And if there’s a picture of the new girlfriend, it’s good to know that she’s fat and ugly. But what if she’s gorgeous? And what if he looks happier than ever? Do you really need to see that? Before you click on the page, ask what you want it to do for you, because it can fuel terrible anxiety, and no matter how many times you check, at the end of the day, he’s dating someone else.

LISTEN UP GUYS - IF YOU WANT A 2ND DATE, MAKE SURE YOU SAY ONE OF THESE 4 THINGS ON THE FIRST DATE!

First dates are a lot like job interviews. You can’t score the soul mate or the paycheck without that first meet-and-greet. While some glide through this necessary evil with straight-A finesse, others bumble along a path of C-worthy mediocrity producing mixed results. Enter our first-date study guide for men. Whether or not you and that hot thing across from you will one day get married and pop out children, we can’t say, but you can’t go wrong following the four tactics below. Women love to hear these 4 things on a first date:

1. “I love that (insert clothing piece, hair style, tattoo, eye makeup).” When you first see us, compliment us. I know, I know - are we really that insecure? Are we really that vain? The answer is yes. But don’t paw and drool like imprisoned frat boys. We wouldn’t be on a date if we wanted someone grabbing our butt, surely there’s a dive bar down the street to provide that service if so desired. Instead, appreciate the beading on our turquoise bracelet, compliment our navy blue eyeliner or trench coat Of course, don’t go overboard and don’t force it. Rather, just verbalize what you’re thinking.

2. “And why do you say that?” This may come as a shock, but we’re as smart, funny and quirky as we are beautiful. Find out for yourself by asking questions and genuinely listening to the answers. You may begin to feel a bit like a therapist—which means you’re on the right path—and when you start to feel like the interviewer on a 60 Minutes reel, then you know you’re golden, baby. If you’re more ears then mouth on the first date, already you’ve distinguished yourself.

3. “Wow you’re good at…” Now give us an intelligence compliment. Something pertaining to our minds that isn’t overly obvious. Something that will make us think. This might be tricky, but once you start looking for it, the answers will be so apparent you’ll wonder why you haven’t done this your entire dating life. We’re insanely cerebral, us lady folk, and if you can get in our heads, your chances of getting in our pants skyrocket.

4. “To tell you the truth…” Yes, please do! Starting a sentence this way makes us feel like your guard is down and you’re letting us in on some secret aspect of yourself. Now, per point #2, this isn’t an invitation to go on and on about yourself, your high school lacrosse glory days or your foot fetish. Best to save this for a later date.

WONDERING IF HE’S A WOMANIZER? THESE 10 SIGNS SAY “HELL YES HE IS!”

Charming, attentive, interested, witty, flirtatious - these are all traits of a womanizer. A womanizer knows exactly how to make a woman feel special, different from the rest, and like his one and only. The only difference between a womanizer and a good man is a womanizer acts in this manner to get in your pants, not your heart. Being able to differentiate a good man from a womanizer is not as easy as we’d like it to be, but we have you covered. Here are 10 signs to help you make the distinction. But remember, even though he fits some of these characteristics doesn’t necessarily mean he’s a womanizer. Just don’t wear your heart on your sleeve; it’s always better to be safe than sorry! Here you go - 10 Signs He’s A Womanizer:

1. More Facebook posts from girls than guys. His Facebook wall consists of a bunch of girls saying, “I miss you,” “I want to hang out,” or “When am I seeing you?” Trouble!

2. He’s overly complimentary. “You have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen.” “You’re gorgeous, and I don’t throw that term around lightly.” “I’ve never been able to open up with a woman the way I have with you.” If he says all of this within the first 15 minutes of the date, then he’s probably wants one thing. Yup, what’s between your legs.

3. He confuses you with other girls. Nothing is worse than a guy calling you another girl’s name. Not only do you know that there is someone else, but he also can’t even keep the two of you straight.

4. He’s Mr. Future. Unless you’re a woman who is committed to being single, chances are you’re at least open to the idea of meeting someone to eventually settle down with. Womanizers know that, which is why they become Mr. Future. “We can do this, and we can do that, and we can go here and there.” Everything is we, we, we. Womanizers know how to give women what they want, but feel no guilt when they take it away.

5. He doesn’t have platonic female friends. A womanizer doesn’t need platonic girl friends because he’s interested in all of them. You can’t be platonic if there is sexual chemistry, right?

6 . He texts other girls, regularly. If he’s hanging out with you and is constantly on his phone texting other girls, chances are he’s not just interested in you.

7. He’s king of nicknames. Sweetie, babe, baby, honey, darling, these easy pet names are the perfect way to make a girl feel special without mixing up real names.

8. He keeps his cell phone locked. Men like to be shady in general. They rarely like anyone in their business, but if he’s got his phone on lock down and gets mad when you even glance in its direction, there is a reason for his secrecy.

9. His mother calls you another name. If he’s introducing you to his mother, it might seem like you’re special to him. After all, you’re meeting the family. But if his mother confuses you with someone else, perhaps there is a reason for it. You might not be the only woman he’s bringing home to mommy.

10. He’s known as a WOMANIZER. Where there is smoke, there is fire. His reputation didn’t come from him being a genuine guy. And you probably can’t change him. And why would you waste your time trying?

This video would be so much better if he wiped out.

PICTURES OF OKSANA’S BRUISED FACE RELEASED

RadarOnline has released photos of Oksana Grigorieva’s bruised face that were taken the morning after the now infamous January 6^th incident where she claims that Mel Gibson hit her while she held their baby in her arms. The photos are also in the hands of the authorities investigating Mel for domestic violence, and they provide some pretty damning evidence. She had deep bruises around her left eye, and later told authorities that she began having terrible headaches a few days after the incident. When asked why she didn’t go the hospital immediately, she claimed that she had no one to look after her children.

MORE AMERICAN IDOL BACKSTAGE DRAMA

Fox is currently in talks with reality TV mega-mogul Nigel Lythgoe to produce American Idol after Simon Cowell’s exit. Lythgoe helped start the reality television craze and currently serves as a producer and judge on So You Think You Can Dance. Rumors are also circulating that if Lythgoe makes a deal for Idol, he may hire all new judges, shooting for big names like Elton John, Justin Timberlake, and Chris Isaak. Standing in his way are Ellen Degeneres and Randy Jackson, who are both still under contract with Fox.

CHELSEA CLINTON’S WEDDING BUDGET SAID TO BE OVER $3 MILLION

Chelsea Clinton’s upcoming wedding to investment banker Marc Mezvinsky will be held at a private estate 90 miles north of Manhattan, at an estimated cost of between $3 and $5 million dollars. The highly anticipated and highly secretive affair is already being called the Wedding of the Decade and of the Century. With a guest list of about 500 friends and family (including Oprah), the money shakes out to about $6,000 a head – including tents with glass walls, top-notch security, entertainment, and $15,000 luxury Porta-Potties,

FORMER IDOL CONTESTANT SUES SHOW FOR $300 MILLION

Ian Benardo, the former Idol contestant from 2006 who grabbed the microphone from Dane Cook at this year’s live finale, is now preparing to sue the show for $300 million dollars for exploiting his sexual orientation. He claims that producers told him to ‘gay it up’ for the cameras and then refused to stand behind him when the plan backfired. He also says that Dane Cook threatened him after the finale incident, apparently saying that he wanted to ‘shove this mic up your ass but you would like it.’ Benardo claims his experiences with Idol have caused emotional injuries and loss of employment opportunities that only $300 million dollars will cure.

LEANN RIMES AND EDDIE CIBRIAN MOVING IN TOGETHER

The Romeo & Juliet of home wreckers, LeAnn Rimes and Eddie Cibrian, have decided to take their relationship to the next level and move in together. Sources say that Eddie will move into LeAnn’s larger home, which has plenty of room for Eddie’s two sons with his ex, model Brandi Glanville. That divorce is still pending, but LeAnn’s went through in June, leading many to wonder if an engagement is on the horizon. LeAnn’s new album is due out October 5^th.

OLIVER STONE APOLOGIZES FOR REMARKS ABOUT JEWS

Director Oliver Stone has apologized for comments he had to a London newspaper about the Holocaust and what he called ‘Jewish domination of the media.’ At one point in the interview he also said that Israel ‘f*cked up United States foreign policy for years.’ Stone has a history of getting himself in hot water via comments like this about conspiracy theories, but this one he apologized for, saying that he was trying to make a broader historical point about crimes committed by the Germans. But the American Jewish Committee has already released a statement calling Stone and anti-Semite in the same vein as Mel Gibson, who Stone has recently defended

ANGELINA AND BRAD CONTINUE TO DEFY BREAK-UP RUMORS

During her marathon of recent press to promote Salt, Angelina Jolie has insisted that she and Brad are happy, in love, and devoted parents. Now they’ve added another layer to their commitment by purchasing a $40 million dollar villa near Valpolicella, Italy. Though they had reportedly been looking for something in the $10 million dollar range, the couple decided to splurge on the 18,000 square foot vacation home with fifteen bedrooms, home theater, two pools, a gym, and several jacuzzis. They already own multi-million dollar homes in New Orleans and Los Angeles.

TIBITS OF GOSSIP I DON”T CARE ABOUT

• The Rolling Stones are reportedly in talks with Live Nation to play their last large-scale world tour, likely in stadiums, beginning next year.
• Rhianna will make her acting debut in the film adaptation of Battleship, which will center on an alien invasion. The movie is scheduled for release in 2012.
• Kate Gosselin was not invited to an upcoming Dancing With The Stars reunion because she hasn’t spoken to anyone from the show since she left.
• A multitude of sources reports that Mel Gibson has been sober for years now, leaving him unable to blame alcoholism for his taped tirades.
• M.I.A. intends to offer fans a free show in NYC after her awful appearance at Hard Fest over the weekend. No dates or details have been announced.
• House star Hugh Laurie is releasing a blues album featuring several guest musicians from New Orleans, including producer Joe Henry.
• Jon and Kate Gosselin have reportedly reached a custody, but the details have been sealed by the court.
• Zac Efron has signed on to appear in movie based on a Nicholas Sparks novel called The Lucky One, about a soldier searching for love.
• Terrell Owens has signed with the Cincinnati Bengals for a $2 million dollar, one year deal.
• Godzilla will be returning to theaters in 2012.
• Canadian actor Maury Chaykin has died at the age of 62. He was best known for roles in Entourage and Dances With Wolves.

FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

AMAZING PHOTO SERIES

Check out this amazing picture series of a pilot ejecting from his fighter jet just seconds before it crashed

DEAR BURGLAR…

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Funniest notes left for thieves. Who writes to a thief?

BOAT MADE OUT OF BOTTLES SUCCESSFULLY SAILS FROM SAN FRANCISCO TO AUSTRALIA

David de Rothschild and his crew sailed the “Plastiki,” a 60-foot catamaran made from 12,500 plastic bottles, into Australia’s Sydney Harbor yesterday, completing a journey from San Francisco to raise environmental awareness

LYNDSY GOES TO JAIL FLASH GAME!!!

CLICK HERE TO PLAY!!!

As the website says, “Lindsay shouldn’t be the only one to have all the fun in the slammer. Help everyone’s favorite vodka breather find cigarettes in prison while avoiding the other prisoners so she doesn’t get shanked.” The object of the game is to collect as many packs of cigarettes as you can. You are the colorful Lilo head (which you take control of by placing your cursor over the top of it) and move around the screen collecting as many packs of cigs as you can while avoiding the prisoner heads that are trying to get you. Good luck!!

EMAIL OF THE DAY

I HAVE THE HOTS FOR MY GIRLFRIEND’S FRIENDS

It wasn’t just physical attraction - I’m a guy, I imagine every attractive woman I see bouncing on the end of my d**k - but the kind of attraction that, were I not with my girlfriend, would make me try to pick these girls up. And I don’t know if it bothered me because I didn’t want to be attracted to anybody but her, or if I was bothered by the fact that I wanted to flirt with these other girls - almost all of whom are part of my girlfriend’s social circle.

Well, I told my girlfriend and at first she reassured me that it was normal for people to be attracted to others, even if they’re in relationships (though she’s never told me about anyone she was attracted to; what’s up with that?). But now, a year into our relationship, she’s turned a bit into that “crazy/jealous girlfriend” stereotype. At social gatherings, I can’t help but want to be around these other girls, and my girlfriend glares at me occasionally, or joins in our conversations (not rudely, but she is there). I’m open and honest with her, and tell her who I like and why. And now she just cries. What am I supposed to do? Lie?”

FONSECA TV

GRAND THEFT TURTLE

Turtle steals BBQ grill, very slowly.

FONSECA WEIRD STUFF

CRAZY THINGS CHICKS DO ON FACEBOOK!!

The Facebook phenomenon has allowed you to reconnect with your best friend from elementary school, keep up with your buddy’s travels and get out of hours-long phone conversations with your aunt. It truly is a remarkable tool. However, as with most things, there is a dark side to Facebook. While the male brain may not have tapped in to the full manipulation potential of this social networking tool, chances are many women have. Women are known for creating, maintaining and soemtimescontrolling relationships, and Facebook is just one more resource they can use to keep tabs on and influence people. Listen up guys and pay attention to this list of crazy things women do on Facebook.

• Women set up fake profiles to follow exes on Facebook – It’s certainly not unheard-of for a woman to set up a fake Facebook persona in order to creep on her ex’s profile. Whether you broke up badly or it was mostly mutual, if you don’t keep in touch, she probably wants to know what you’re up to. Instead of calling or e-mailing you, it’s easier and less embarrassing to scope out your profile while you are blissfully unaware that she is checking up on you. If you want to prevent this from happening, don’t add any strangers to your friends list.
• Women manipulate through Facebook photos - The photos a woman posts on her profile can be innocent, or they can be totally manipulative. Another crazy thing women do on Facebook is to put up embarrassing or compromising photos of people that have gotten on her bad side. When a guy breaks up with a girl and the next day photos of him in one of her dresses hit her profile. A woman might also use her Facebook photo albums to present an image of herself that doesn’t exactly match up to reality. In her photos she might appear more sexy, more adventurous and altogether more exciting than she is in real life.
• Women post passive-aggressive Facebook status updates - Whether it’s because she hates confrontation or she just wants the world to know what a jerk her boyfriend is, some women use their status updates to air complaints about their relationship instead of sitting down and talking it out directly. For example: “Valerie visited the jewelery store and is tired of waiting!!!!” could be a not-so-subtle clue that she doesn’t want to wait for that engagement ring much longer.
• Women post ambiguous relationship photos - It’s not uncommon to see pictures of women with their arms around their friends, kissing them on the cheek, whether their friends are men or women. For some, these may be harmless expressions of affection for their good friends, but for others they could be an attempt to elicit an envious response from their partners. These ambiguous photos with other guys could also cause other people to question the strength of her relationship with her boyfriend.
• Posting a fake relationship status - Some unattached women choose “in a relationship” for their profile just so people won’t start matchmaking or single-girl-pitying. A single woman of a certain age is a prime target for people who think everyone should be paired off in “happily ever after” relationships. Some single women even arrange with one of their close girlfriends to be each other’s “in a relationship with” person to avoid this kind of condescending sympathy. They’d rather raise questions about their sexual orientation than leave the space blank.

10 SONGS THAT ARE “SECRETLY” ABOUT OTHER CELEBRITIES

Earlier this week, Amy Winehouse was seen clinging to Nas at a party in London, allegedly trying to avoid the onslaught of paparazzi by rushing to her car. But that pretty much backfired because they came off looking like much more than friends. And it turns out that her song “Me and Mr. Jones” is supposedly about Nas! The song is vaguely about her liking him but him avoiding her; the song also calls him “Mr. Destiny,” which allegedly refers to his daughter Destiny. It also mentions the numbers 9 and 14, pointing to the fact that they were both born on 9/14! The juicy personal story totally makes the song even better! Here are 9 more (plus Amy’s again for quick reference) songs that were supposedly “secretly” about other celebs:

• Amy Winehouse: “Me and Mr. Jones” is supposedly about her unrequited love for rapper Nas; it refers to his daughter Destiny and his birthday, Sept. 14.
• Madonna: “Miles Away” was inspired by now-ex-husband Guy Ritchie. She also once dedicated it to the “emotionally retarded.”
• Alanis Morissette: You probably know that “You Oughta Know” is about Dave Coulier, aka Full House’s Uncle Joey. What you may not know is that he finally admitted it was about him and subsequently made amends with Alanis.
• Trent Reznor: “Starf**kers Inc.” was supposedly about Tori Amos, with whom Reznor was rumored to have been in a relationship. Amos, in turn, wrote “She’s Your Cocaine” about Reznor’s relationship with Courtney Love.
• Eric Clapton: Model and photographer Pattie Boyd was married to The Beatles’ George Harrison when Eric Clapton fell in love with her and wrote “Layla” for her, inspired by a Persian poem called “Layla and Majnun.” The love triangle eventually brought Pattie and Eric together and they got married in 1979—but then they divorced about a decade later after Clapton cheated.
• Rosanna Arquette: The catress allegedly has two songs written about her: “Rosanna” by Toto and “In Your Eyes” by Peter Gabriel.
• Carly Simon: “You’re So Vein.” This is a biggie. Everyone wants to know who (which beau) this song is really about. So many theories… Rumors ranged from Mick Jagger to Warren Beatty to James Taylor to David Geffen. Warren Beatty even thanked Carly for the song, assuming it was about him … which is kind of the point. Carly said of the mystery, “That’s the greatest ego trip anybody could have … That they would be THAT interested in what you were thinking about when you wrote a song. And for that very reason, of course, I can never give it away.” DAMN!
• Roberta Flack: “Killing Me Softly” was written by a Los Angeles folk singer named Lori Lieberman after she watched Don McLean (”…bye bye Miss American Pie…”) sing “Empty Chairs.” Lieberman saw him playing and turned a poem about the experience into a song, which Flack re-worked with Quincy Jones and turned into a number one song in 1973 (the Fugees re-did it years later). But it’s pretty cool that it was originally about Don McLean, even though Flack didn’t write it.
• Justin Timberlake: “Cry Me a River” is not about his breakup with Britney Spears after she allegedly cheated on him with choreographer Wade Robson. But apparently, many of the music video’s parallels were the director Francis Lawrence’s idea. Lawrence admitted, “He told me what the song was about, but in a [general way] as well. He just said it was a kiss-off song, and so I came up with this idea and he went for it … Of course, I put these details in that he enjoyed.”
• Ani DiFranco: “Napoleon” sympathizes sarcastically with a friend who signed with a major label and thought everything was going to be grand. A Spin magazine story said that the song is about DiFranco’s former close friend Suzanne Vega. Ani claimed that wasn’t true.

MOVIE TRAILERS MARKETED TO GUYS SO THEY’LL GO SEE CHICK FLICKS

Making a chick-flick can attract a large audience. Well, the “right” chick-flick that is. But why not try to make them “boyfriend worthy”? Believe it or not, Hollywood studios are doing just that by modifying titles, trailers, and marketing in general so they don’t alienate men. Case in point: The Twilight Saga: Eclipse trailer is intentionally manly, and doesn’t focus on love triangles. Male audiences for the vampire drama are approaching 35%.

Not everyone thinks this is positive, of course. One communications professor who has written a book on the “Twilight” phenomenon thinks that Hollywood may be missing a long-term opportunity to “develop the terms for future female franchises.”

LYNDSEY LOHAN WILL NOT BE RELEASED THIS WEEK

Although her attorney, Shawn Chapman Holley, continues to work on her early release, a spokesman for the Los Angeles County Sheriff says that Lindsay Lohan will not be released until at least August 1^st or later. At that time she’s expected to enter a rehab facility in California where her team and law enforcement authorities can keep a close eye on her. Sources from inside the jail continue to report that Lindsay is shaken but ultimately fine. Shawn Chapman Holley denied reports that the starlet has been hysterical and cutting herself for attention

DMX RETURNS TO JAIL FOR A DIFFERENT OFFENSE

Though he was just released from an Arizona jail earlier this month after doing four months for probation violation, DMX surrendered to a judge yesterday to begin serving a 90-day sentence for a 2002 reckless driving conviction. The judge ruled that the rapper not be released on electronic monitoring, work release, or house arrest. DMX, whose real name is Earl Simmons, has been arrested and jailed repeatedly in the past decade for a variety of drug, weapon, and other offenses.

MEL GIBSON HATES ON TIMOTHY DALTON IN LATEST TAPE

A seventh Mel Gibson has surfaced, and in this one he takes on Oksana’s ex-boyfriend, former James Bond actor Timothy Dalton. Mel apparently says that Dalton is the better father of the two before telling Oksana to ‘go f*ck him’. The two have a twelve-year-old son together, and Oksana has been leaning on Dalton for support during her ordeal with Mel. Later in the tape, Mel tells the mother of his daughter: ‘I’m so f*cking sorry I had a child with you

ERIC ROBERTS JOINED CELEBRITY REHAB TO KICK POT

Eric Roberts’ wife, Eliza, claims that he joined Celebrity Rehab 4 to overcome a dependency on marijuana that he’s had since quitting alcohol and hard drugs back in 1995. Eliza says that he uses the drug as if it were a medication and that all Eric cares about is pot. Now, he’s sick of that dependency and wants to get rid of it. Eliza also says that Eric’s family, including daughter Emma and sister Julia, are all very supportive of each other. Reps for the actor have confirmed that he indeed checked into the Pasadena Recovery Center to be treated by Dr. Drew, but they claim that his addiction is not serious.

HEIDI MONTAG DROPS OUT OF REALITY SHOW

Heidi Montag has dropped out of the reality show that she was going to star in with friend Jen Bunney. The network has greenlit the show anyway, but its unclear how the focus will change. Montag is reportedly shopping her own Heidi Show featuring Hugh Hefner’s ex-girlfriends Kristina and Karissa Shannon. Bunney did not comment on Montag’s alleged split with husband Spencer Pratt, which has been widely reported as a fake.

GLEE SPOILERS ABOUND AT COMIC-CON PANEL

The creator and executive producer of Glee, Ryan Murphy, announced some juicy details and spoilers for the show’s upcoming second season. He confirmed that they will be doing a Rocky Horror Picture Show-themed episode as well as an episode featuring the music of Britney Spears. Murphy also reiterated that Kurt will get a boyfriend and together they’ll be named prom kings. He dropped hints about several new characters and even claimed that they’ve cut the average number of musical numbers per episode down from eight to five in order to concentrate more on story and character development. Glee returns in September.

M.I.A. BOMBS SHOW AND SPITS ON PRESS IN NEW YORK

Once the ‘it’ girl of the music industry, Sri Lankan-born rapper and artist M.I.A. blew her set at Hard Fest in New York City over the weekend so badly that even her biggest supporters gave up about five songs into the show. Sources claim she was bombing on purpose, sabotaging herself and the sound system – though it’s not known why she would do that to herself. At one point M.I.A. was so off the wall that she spit directly into the lens of a photographer in the audience.

TIBITS OF GOSSIP I DON”T CARE ABOUT

• President Obama will appear on The View this Thursday, marking the first time a sitting president has visited a daytime talk show.
• Linda Hogan is engaged to her twenty-one-year-old boyfriend Charlie Hill, who is at least twenty-years her junior.
• Sources say that Oprah has offered Sarah Ferguson her own talk show.
• Daniel Craig will star in director David Fincher’s film adaptation of The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.
• Cheryl Tweedy is expected to return to The X Factor this week for limited appearances as she recovers from malaria.
• A coroner’s investigator has dismissed claims that Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack may have died from mold inside their Los Angeles home.
• Unconfirmed reports have Wyclef Jean running for president of Haiti.
• Madonna is reportedly planning a Live Aid-type concert to benefit Malawi, which should include plenty of big names and be broadcast on TV in September.
• The city of New York has fined Diddy one million dollars for illegally putting up promotional posters all over the Big Apple, and they aren’t backing down.
• Family Guy creator Seth McFarlane reportedly spent a small fortune on an exact replica of the DeLorean from Back To The Future.
• The financial troubles at MGM have already cost us the next James Bond film and The Hobbit. Now we wont get Darren Aronofsky’s new RoboCop remake either.

FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

PRANK OF THE YEAR

A science professor at Gustavus Adolphus College left for a week’s vacation this summer and returned to a shiny office. A very shiny office. How shiny? Well, Professor Scott Bur’s students had covered his entire office in aluminum foil. Computer screen, chairs, the ceiling, the floor - all covered in foil. Books and pens were individually wrapped, so was the phone, a ball cap, a bottle and the coffee maker.

BUSH INSPECTION

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A NEW STUDY

Who would have thought

FOR SALE PRE STAINED JEANS!!!$225.00

First pre-torn jeans, now a clothing company called Clot is doing the dirty work for you by bringing you pre-stained jeans. Yes, you read that correctly – you can buy a pair of jeans that have already been stained for you. I’m just hoping they aren’t actually pre-worn (hello, pre-smell).

EMAIL OF THE DAY

I GOT HOT AND MY BOYFRIEND ISN’T HAPPY

Woman has been with her boyfriend for about 2 years. They were both a little “chubby,” but now she’s lost 30 lbs, is confident and hotter than she has ever been. Problem is, it has made her BF very insecure…

Fonseca,

“My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under two years. About eight months ago, I’d gained some weight, so I decided to get off my butt and start getting back into shape. Before, my boyfriend and I were both cute but decidedly chubby. Since then, I’ve lost about 30 lbs, my awkward hair grew out, and my skin has cleared up. I’ve always been very busty and didn’t lose any of it, and through sheer luck, I ended up with a “Joan Holloway”-type figure.

For the first time in my life, I feel really confident and love my body, and it’s the first time I fit what’s considered attractive by society. My boyfriend, though, has become very insecure. He’s just as sexy and wonderful as the day I met him, but he seems to be obsessed with the thought of me leaving him for someone “hotter.” He constantly worries that people wonder why I’m with him. On top of that, I’ve started getting a lot of unsolicited male attention - not just the typical cat callers, but being checked out, smiled/waved at, etc, which makes my boyfriend sad and mopey.

He worries about how visible my cleavage is, and discouraged me from buying a bikini, even though it was a modest vintage style one. Normally, this kind of behavior would earn him a breakup, but he’s never shown any questionable behavior in the past, and our sex life is as awesome as ever. Should I chalk it up to insecurity and give him a chance to get over it, while encouraging him and reminding him how much I want to be with him, or is this a deal breaker?”

EMAIL THE SHOW fonseca@fonsecashow.com

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WHY DID YOU TURN?

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HOW GUYS FLIRT, WHAT IT MEANS AND WHETHER OR NOT HE’S INTO YOU DECODED HERE

Last week we offered some tips for the ladies on how to properly flirt with a guy. Especially if she wants to have a chance with him. Today we offer part two of the flirting game. And yes, it’s for the ladies, again. Today we’re helping you ladies how to decode his flirting. Here are 5 types of flirting a guy does, what their flirting style says about them and whether or not they are into you (thanks, Essence.com).

THE PLAYFUL FLIRT

His romantic profile: He probably hits on a lot of women. And, while he might jump into a relationship with one of them - and it could be hot - he’s not likely to take it terribly seriously.

Is he really that into you? Sorry, but no. These people are just looking for a self-esteem boost. He’s flirting simply because he loves the way it makes him feel. It’s like a sport to him - not necessarily an avenue for a relationship at all. He may even already be in one.

THE PHYSICAL FLIRT

How you’ll recognize him: At home in a bar or dancing at a club, he’s ultra-comfortable with his body language, and an expert at reading yours (so he doesn’t push where he’s not wanted). And he’s a master at the kind of private conversation that nuzzles easily into romance.

His romantic profile: This type tends to get hot and heavy pretty fast.

Is he really that into you? He’s definitely attracted, but he’s a big flirt. So while getting together is a pretty good bet, the long haul is more iffy.

THE SINCERE FLIRT

How you’ll recognize him: You might meet him at work or through a neighbor, and mistake him for a friend. But you’ll notice he likes to talk and wants to get to know you - the inner you - and he’s out to connect emotionally. He might be cautious to make that first move. He believes it’s respectful to let the woman develop romantic interest without having to be pushed or prodded or touched.

His romantic profile: He goes a little slower than Mr. Physical. But he’s the kind of guy who has serious girlfriends with both sexual and emotional chemistry - the good stuff.

Is he really that into you? Very likely yes, and he’s looking for his next close, meaningful romance.

THE TRADITIONAL FLIRT

His romantic profile: He forms solid relationships. And he doesn’t play the field.

Is he really that into you? Absolutely. By the time he makes a move (be patient), he’s pretty certain you’re the one he wants.

THE POLITE FLIRT

His romantic profile: The Polite Flirt only bothers with someone he thinks is worth getting seriously involved with.

Is he really that into you? Most certainly, yes. Now, how you’ll even get that far with someone who’s such a non-romancer, is another question. You might have to subtly up the stakes. If you have lunch plans, change them to dinner with a few drinks, or suggest a spontaneous walk to see the sunset.

THESE MEN ARE TOTALLY OFF LIMITS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER DATE THEM

Speaking of guy flirting… The single life may sometimes be rough, but there are particular guys that are definite no-nos. And just because the pickings might sometimes be slim, that isn’t an excuse to date someone who’s off limits. Here’s a list of the top five guys you should NEVER date.

1. Your Boss - Sure, we see how dating your boss, if he’s single, could seem kind of sexy. You would probably get promoted instantaneously and receive special treatment at work. Who knows, you might even get your own office. But, it’s a huge mistake. If things go sour, you’ll be fired immediately. Then you’ll have to find a brand new job. So, unless he’s “wifing you up”, dating your boss is a terrible idea.

2. Your Best Friend’s Ex - No matter how lonely you’re feeling, there’s never a reason to date your best friend’s ex. That breaks all the rules of girl code. The same way “bros before hos” applies to men, women have a certain loyalty to each other. If you want to keep your friends, stay away from their ex’s.

3. Your Ex’s Best Friend - Dating your ex’s best friend isn’t as bad as dating your best friend’s ex, but it’s still a no-no. There are tons of men you can date who have no ties to your ex. Besides, once the relationship is on the fast track to becoming serious, you would end up running into your ex eventually, and that wouldn’t be very fun, would it?

4. Your Mom or Dad’s Best Friend - Some women have a daddy complex. They like dating older men because it makes them feel safe and secure. If you’re into dating older men, your parent’s best friend is one man you should stay away from. How creepy would it be to sleep with someone that hobnobs with the parentals? ICK!

5. Your Professor - Becoming involved with your professor, assuming he’s single, is almost as bad as dating your boss. At least the professor is only your teacher for one semester. But, it’s highly risky and probably against all school rules. After all, every time you received an A, wouldn’t you wonder if it was your skills in the classroom or the bedroom that earned you your grade?

DAMN THOSE MOSQUITOES! HERE ARE 5 FOODS THAT HELP DEFEND AGAINST BUG BITES

1. Garlic - Several days before you take a camping or hiking trip into bug-filled territory, start eating garlic. Have a clove or two every day. As you sweat out the garlic odor, it repels many insects. Maybe this is where the myth of garlic repelling bloodsuckers came from!

2. Milk - If your skin feels like it’s burning up from too much sun exposure or if itchy bug bites are driving you crazy, try using a little milk paste for soothing relief. Mix one part powdered milk with two parts water and add a pinch or two of salt. Dab it on the burn or bite. The enzymes in the milk powder will help neutralize the insect-bite venom and help relieve sunburn pain.

3. Salt - For relief from the itching of mosquito and chigger bites, soak the area in salt water, then apply a coating of lard or vegetable oil.

4. Olive Oil - It’s so satisfying to watch birds enjoying the garden bath you provide. But unfortunately, that still water is a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes. Floating a few tablespoons of vegetable oil on the surface of the water will help keep mosquitoes from using the water, and it won’t bother the birds. But it’s still important to change the water twice a week so any larvae don’t have time to hatch.

5. Onions - Rubbing a slice of onion over your skin can be a good way to keep away mosquitoes and other biting insects.

6. Orange and Lemon Peels - If you’re not crazy about the idea of rubbing onions all over yourself to keep away mosquitoes, you may be happy to know that you can often get similar results by rubbing fresh orange or lemon peels over your exposed skin. It’s said that mosquitoes and gnats are totally repulsed by either scent.

7. Apple Cider Vinegar - Planning a camping trip? Here’s an old army trick to keep away the ticks and mosquitoes: Approximately three days before you leave, start taking 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar three times a day. Continue using the vinegar throughout your trek, and you just might return home without a bite. Another time-honored approach to keep gnats and mosquitoes at bay is to moisten a cloth or cotton ball with white vinegar and rub it over your exposed skin.

8. Vanilla - Everybody likes the smell of vanilla. Everybody but bugs, that is. Dilute 1 tablespoon vanilla extract with 1 cup water and wipe the mixture on your exposed skin to discourage mosquitoes, blackflies, and ticks

INCEPTION WINS THE BOX OFFICE AGAIN
Christopher Nolan’s dreamy thriller, Inception, came out on top of the box office for the second week in a row with $43.5 million. The finish was stronger than expected, and is attributed at least partly to strong word-of-mouth. Angelina Jolie’s new spy thriller, Salt, debuted at number two with $36.5 million, a major drop compared to Angelina’s last big openings. The timely thriller about a Russian spy ring received mixed reviews, and managed to finish just shy of studio projections.

KINGS OF LEON CONCERT CANCELLED BY PIGEON DROPPINGS
Just three songs into a twenty-song set, Kings Of Leon pulled the plug on their show in St. Louis this past Friday because of some troublesome pigeons in the rafters of Verizon Amphitheatre. The pigeons reportedly launched their attack during the very first song, hitting at least two band members. Citing health concerns, the band cancelled the gig, explaining that they would have been covered from head to toe had they continued. They promised to return to St. Louis as soon as possible. No fans are believed to have been affected by the pigeons, but they were angry at the cancellation and some began chanting ‘refund’

MEL AND OKSANA’S BATTLE CALMING?
Though Mel Gibson has been silent regarding the recent drama surrounding his custody case, Oksana spoke up again and insisted that her intentions are noble. “Mel is a liar! He’s lying. There’s no extortion and there’s no texts, and no emails, ok? And I’m fighting for my child and he’s just a liar, and it will come up in court, just wait.” Sources familiar with family court battles say the judge will likely order them both to parenting classes in an effort to calm things down, reminding them that they will have to get along for the sake of their daughter. In the meantime, Mel has volunteered for supervised with visits with Lucia in an effort to prove that he’s a good father.

OTHER INMATES GETTING SICK OF LINDSAY

Each new report about Lindsay Lohan’s jail time seems to include information on her early release, which could happen as soon as this week after some legal wrangling allowed her to get days credit for the 84 minutes she served a few years ago. Regardless of when she’s released, it wont be soon enough for the other inmates at the facility, who are said to be sick of her special treatment. Sources claim that anytime Lindsay’s cell door is opened for any reason, the rest of the facility is placed on lockdown, upsetting the other prisoners. There are even reports that they began chanting ‘firecrotch’ recently, sending Lindsay into a hysterical fit. She was placed in isolation and is being monitored twenty-four hours a day.

BIG MOVIE NEWS OUT OF SAN DIEGO COMIC-CON

Samuel L. Jackson and Robert Downey Jr. were on hand at Comic-Con this weekend to announce the cast of The Avengers movie, and confirm that it will indeed by directed by sci-fi mastermind and Buffy The Vampire Slayer creator Joss Whedon. Mark Ruffalo was announced as The Incredible Hulk, Hurt Locker star Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye, and of course the previously announced Chris Hemsworth as Thor and Chris Evans as Captain America, among others. Jackson as Nick Fury and Downey as Iron Man will also appear. The superhero dream team is still scheduled to hit theaters in 2012.

MICHAEL LOHAN ALREADY SELLING NUDE PHOTO OF EX-FIANCEE

Though he was just charged with second degree harassment last week after a physical altercation with his now ex-fiance Kate Major, Michael Lohan is already trying to capitalize on the situation by selling a nude photo of Kate to the highest bidder. The photo shows Kate on a bed with her chest exposed, and he engagement ring from Michael clearly visible. Kate claims the picture was taken while she was asleep. She calls Michael a disgusting human being, to say the least. He’s threatening more actions like this unless she cuts out the ‘nonsense’.

CASEY AFFLECK SUED FOR SEXUAL HARASSMENT

Casey Affleck has been hit with a $2 million lawsuit filed by Amanda White, one of the producers of: I’m Still Here: The Lost Year Of Joaquin Phoenix. She claims that Casey called women ‘cows’ during filming and openly discussed his sexual exploits. More seriously, she says that one night at a hotel in San Francisco, he became ‘hostile and aggressive’ and ‘grabbed her arm’ while trying to get her to spend the night with him. Casey’s people say that White is a disgruntled employee who was fired over a year ago and that the claims are ‘preposterous and without merit.’

TIBITS OF GOSSIP I DON’T CARE ABOUT

• Beyonce was hit with a $100 ticket in NYC for texting while driving.
• Amanda Bynes has un-retired from acting just in time to promote her latest film.
• The mysterious deaths of Brittany Murphy and Simon Monjack have investigators looking at mold found in their home as a possible contributing factor.
• Luckily, the rumor that Amy Winehouse is pregnant has been proven false.
• Maroon 5 has joined the list of bands refusing to play in Arizona because of their controversial new immigration law.
• Elton John will re-team with the producers of the Broadway hit Billy Elliot to create a production of George Orwell’s classic Animal Farm.
• Someone spray-painted the face of Gandhi in hot pink on the gate of Halle Berry’s home in Los Angeles.
• Sources close to the couple claim that the wedding of Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr was moved up because the bride is pregnant.
• Levi Johnston will star in a music video for a pop/R&B artist called Senser.
• Martin Scorsese is in talks with HBO to create a drama series based on the history of the music industry.
• Lindsay Lohan’s neighbor in jail, celebrity burglar Alexis Neiers, has been released after serving only 30-days of her 180-day sentence.
• Justin Bieber says that puberty will not eliminate his singing voice, insisting that he’s working with the best vocal coach in the business.
• Bruce Willis says that Die Hard 5 is ‘imminent’ and a screenplay is already being written, though no director is attached.
• Nickelodeon will debut a live-action/CG version of The Fairly Oddparents in 2011 starring Drake Bell, Jason Alexander, and Cheryl Hines.

FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

PRODUCT OF THE DAY: SLEEP PHONES HEADPHONES

Noisy roommates or a snoring partner can make catching some zzzs next to impossible. And to make matters worse, lack of sleep is no excuse for your cranky attitude at work the next morning. There’s a quick fix for this dilemma, though. SleepPhones Headphones have hidden earphones safely housed in a fleece headband, so you can comfortably sleep while your tunes drown out any noise.

A BRIEF HISTORY OF THE BREAK UP!!

Getting dumped sucks, no matter what time period you lived in. Six different time periods break down the break-up styles, given to you by a comic strip.

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BEST BLING EVER

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Nothing like a recession to make you want to see 41 pieces of the most insane bling ever

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BON JOVI ROCKS ON

Jon Bon Jovi sustained a minor injury to his leg at a concert in New Jersey over the weekend, but he performed Livin On A Prayer anyway. Rock on

COMEDIAN BLASTS HECKLER

Watch as comedian Bryson Turner nails this heckler’s balls to the wall

DOG VS BABY

If your dog is smarter than your baby, you have problems

FONSECA WIERD STUFF

DATING AND INSECURITIES MOST WOMEN FACE

Admit it, you have insecurities – we all do. Big, small, man, woman, whatever – we ALL are insecure at times. For women though, no matter how well they present themselves to the outside world, they have a few, common, nagging insecurities - especially when it comes to dating. With that said, here are just a few of the things that a woman tends to worry about when it comes to dating or being in a relationship (thanks, Askmen.com). So men, you are the “YOU” talked about below, so pay attention on how you can make her feel more secure.

Her dating insecurities:

1. You might not call her after the date - Following through with what you’ve promised her is the first step to building a woman’s trust. So, if you say you are going to call her on Thursday, call her on Thursday. If you say Friday, do it. If that’s not your style, though, or you’d like to keep her attention, just don’t be definite about when you’ll be calling. It’s better than breaking a promise, and at least she won’t be waiting by the phone on a particular day.

2. You just want to sleep with her - It’s a hard line to walk: If you make a move too soon, she’ll think that’s all you want. If you wait too long, she’ll think you’re just interested in her friendship. The best way to work this is to just be sincere. If you are genuinely interested in pursuing a relationship with her, let her know. From there, she’ll give you the signals to let you know when she’s ready to get romantic with you.

3. You’re dating other women - It is perfectly acceptable to casually date more than one woman at the same time - as long as you are honest about it. So, if you are dating multiple women, don’t lie about it. You don’t have to bring it up in the conversation, but if she does, be honest. Once you start sleeping together or things seem to take a turn for the serious, she might assume you’re exclusive, so it’s only fair to let her know if that’s not the case.

4. You’re not that interested - Even the most confident woman sometimes needs a little affirmation that you’re interested in her. You could let her know by telling her outright or through a gesture, such as sending her flowers or calling her in the middle of the day - just a little hint to let her know that she’s special to you.

Her relationship insecurities:

5. You’re cheating on her - Ask yourself the following question: Why is she insecure that I’m going to cheat on her? Have you given her a reason by cheating in the past? If that’s the case, we’d be hard pressed to say that she’s being irrational. If that’s not the case, however, you have to discuss the issue head-on and let her know that you are committed and have no intention of cheating.

6. She’s not satifying you in bed - Just like men, women have a lot of performance anxiety in the bedroom. If things are going well in that department, make sure to let her know. If not, however, be sure to address the issue in the most sensitive manner possible. For example, don’t tell her, “I don’t like the way you…” Instead, tell her, “Let’s try it this way…”

7. You’re not attracted to her anymore - Just because you are a few years into a relationship, it doesn’t mean that she doesn’t need reassurance anymore. In fact, because you are a few years into a relationship, you have to work extra hard to let her know that you still find her attractive. Remember to compliment her and let her know that she still has it. This will reap rewards for you too - it’ll help keep your romance alive.

8. Another woman is stealing your attention - Do you flirt with other women in front of her? If you do this consistently, we don’t blame her for feeling insecure in this department. There is nothing wrong with harmless flirting - but when you’re with her, devote all your attention to her. You can flirt on your own time.

FITNESS SHORTS FREEZE AWAY YOUR FAT

The latest way to burn fat without actually doing anything: FreezeAwayFat Cool Shape shorts, which promise to - you guessed it - freeze away fat. Turns out there may actually be something to it. The shorts, which come with gel inserts to freeze and then wear, promise to activate “good” brown fat cells, which burn calories, while killing off “bad” white fat cells.

Cool temperatures can in fact activate brown fat cells, one doctor has said, but he’s less sure about the claim that cold will also kill white fat cells. It’s “not exactly rigorous science,” Dr. Deardorff concludes. “Still, even if there’s no evidence showing the polyester/Lycra shorts can help you freeze your butt off, they are certainly refreshing.” So if you don’t mind the $89.95 price tag, simply wear them on a hot July day.

DESPICABLE ME WINS THIS WEEKEND

The 3D animated feature starring Steve Carell, Despicable Me, won the box office this weekend with an impressive $60 million dollar haul, making it the biggest opening ever for an animated movie made by someone other than Pixar or DreamWorks. Twilight: Eclipse slipped to second, taking in $33 million and bringing the overall total to about $250 million in its first eleven days. Predators and Toy Story 3 rounded out the top five

MEL GIBSON’S LAWYERS SEEK CONTEMPT AGAINST OKSANA

Although she denies it, Mel’s attorneys have filed legal papers claiming that Oksana is responsible for leaking the tapes of his racist rants to the media after she was issued a restraining order last month prohibiting her from doing exactly that. The attorney’s are asking the judge to let them search Oksana’s computer and iPhone for emails and texts that would prove she was the one who leaked the tapes. Also in Gibson news - Hollywood super-agent Ari Emanuel, who is no fan of the actor, ordered Mel dropped from the William Morris Agency immediately after his taped tirade was released.

THE LINDSAY LOHAN SAGA

With only a week to go before she’s scheduled to begin her 90-day jail sentence, Lindsay has been meeting with attorneys to replace Shawn Chapman Holley, who abruptly resigned last week. Sources say that Lindsay wants to appeal the sentence, which if successful would serve to buy her six months to a year of time but would be unlikely to eliminate the sentence all together. It was also revealed over the weekend that Lindsay’s array of prescriptions are obtained by doctor hopping across the country and always stocking-up when she can. Her father wants her prescriptions denied by the court because the Adderall and Dilaudid she’s allowed to take means that her random drug tests are allowed to test positive for amphetamine and opiates

WEEKEND OF CELEBRITY WEDDINGS

There must have been something in the air this weekend, because it was absolutely packed with celebrity weddings. John Krasinski and Emily Blunt were married on Saturday in Italy, as was Carrie Underwood wed hockey play Mike Fisher at a resort in Georgia. LaLa Vazquez and Carmelo Anthony tied the knot at Cipriani in New York City with 300 people in attendance and actor Martin Lawrence married his longtime girlfriend at their Beverly Hills home in front of guests including Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington

STING SAYS THE POLICE WILL NEVER REUNITE AGAIN

Sting is adamant that The Police reunion tour in 2007 has officially closed the door to anything like that happening again. He claims that there was no passion, no new songs, and no desire to take things anywhere further. He compared it to going to live with the wife you divorced. He explains that he has no regrets about the tour, but that he has no desire to be a greatest hits act.

EDWARD NORTON REPLACED AS THE HULK

Marvel Studios has fired Edward Norton as The Hulk in favor of an as-yet-unknown actor who is more willing to collaborate with the studio. It’s a well-known fact that although Norton is a great actor, he’s considered difficult to work with and presents a constant source of problems for directors and producers. Marvel execs insist that they’re negotiating with big-name actors to replace Norton as The Hulk, who is scheduled to appear alongside many other superheroes in The Avengers movie that is due to be released in 2012.

GLEE TO FEATURE BRITNEY SPEARS EPISODE IN SEASON 2

The creator and executive producer of Glee, Ryan Murphy, has revealed that he and the other producers are writing a Britney Spears episode for season two. It’s not clear yet if Britney herself will actually appear in the episode, but her name has now joined the storm of big-name celebrities who are said to be vying for guest spots on the hit show. So far, producers deny that Katie Holmes or Javier Bardem have been confirmed, even though earlier reports seemed to indicate otherwise.

TIBITS OF GOSSIP I DON’T CARE ABOUT

• Sarah Ferguson has reportedly fired her whole staff to keep from declaring bankruptcy. Then she left on an exotic vacation to the British Virgin Islands.
• Kevin Costner’s oil machine is finally being deployed in the Gulf Of Mexico.
• American Idol runner-up Crystal Bowersox finally got her teeth fixed.
• Jude Law won an injunction against his ex, Sadie Frost, forcing her to remove several images and passages from her upcoming book.
• Kate Gosselin revealed that her kids think she should have won the latest season of Dancing With The Stars.
• Kevin Bacon is said to be in talks to play the villain in the new X-Men movie.
• Clay Aiken has split with his boyfriend of two years, Broadway actor Reed Kelly.
• Ryan Seacrest reportedly paid $50,000 plus a $10,000 for a dinner with friends and rumored girlfriend Julianne Hough at The Billionaires Club in Sardinia.
• Rod Stewart’s home was burglarized as he and his family slept over the weekend. It’s part of a series of robberies in their neighborhood in France.
• Gossip blogger Perez Hilton recently shed over 60 pounds and doesn’t plan to stop until he has the six-pack abs that he wants.