CHARLIE SHEEN AND WIFE PLAY REHAB MUSICAL CHAIRS

Brooke Mueller has been in and out of rehab facilities in recent weeks, and is even reported to be preparing to sue The Canyon rehab facility for disclosing some of her admission info. Her rep also said that she had relocated to another location to complete her rehab, but now, she’s apparently keeping the kids while Charlie Sheen goes to rehab.

Um. What? Can you two just stay still for two seconds so I can collect my thoughts, here?!

The “Two and a Half Men” actor has checked himself into a rehab center for undisclosed reasons, according to his publicist, Stan Rosenfield, who released a statement on his client’s behalf yesterday.

Sheen has struggled with both substance abuse issues and anger management issues in the past, so the rehab stay could be related to either one or both of those.

“Two and a Half Men” has temporarily suspended filming while Sheen seeks treatment, and CBS has given no indication as to when everyone will return to the set to resume work. They have, however, issued their own statement, saying that they support him and wish him well.

TIGER WOODS APOLOGIZES TO HIS DAUGHTER’S SCHOOL

The tour of regret continues as golfer Tiger Woods and wife Elin Nordegren pen a letter of apology to the parents of students at Premiere Academy, where his 2-year-old daughter goes. The apology was for the media attention it’s garnered during Woods’ affair scandal(s) and for any disruption that it might have caused to the education of the students.

In the letter, Tiger and Elin expressed hope that the buzz would die down soon, writing, “We hope that the paparazzi will find something better to do with their time in the near future.”

Woods criticized the paparazzi during his first public address late last week for following his family and said that his “behavior doesn’t make it right for the media to follow [his] two-and-a-half-year-old daughter to school and report the school’s location.” He pleaded with the photogs to leave his wife and children alone.

Woods and Nordegren thanked their fellow parents for their patience and support.

IZZIE MAY LEAVE GREY’S ANATOMY FOR GOOD

Katherine Heigl has been sparse on this season of “Grey’s Anatomy,” and now that she’s back, she may leave again. For good. She’s been on a three-month maternity leave after she and husband Josh Kelley adopted a little girl, Naleigh, and she’s due back on set March 1st.

Shortly after she returns, however, she’ll be going to Vegas to accept the ShoWest award for Female Star of the Year, which has been previously won by successful movie actresses like Angelina Jolie and Jenfier Aniston. Some are speculating that with her growing success on the big screen, perhaps Heigl is eyeing a full-time movie career.

She’s certainly griped enough about life on the small screen. And after being absent for nearly half a season, insiders are murmuring that this could be the end of Dr. Isobel Stevens.

If this is the case, we would likely learn about the cast change in June, when contract re-ups are announced.

JESSICA SIMPSON EXACTS HER REVENGE ON MAYER

John Mayer had no problem detailing his sex life with Jessica Simpson in “Playboy” magazine, and now, the singer is ready to open up about her ex-boyfriend. She’s been booked for an appearance on Oprah, and while it’s not been confirmed that she’ll be discussing her thoughts on his interview, it’s not all that difficult to foresee Oprah delving right into this one.

And oh, what a golden opportunity for Jess! She hasn’t said much about the inappropriate comments about their sex life yet, but perhaps, she’s saving the best for daytime talk!

The show is taping today, so watch for it to air soon!

AHHHH…THE SMELL OF SEX AND THE CITY!

Actress Sarah Jessica Parker has unveiled her new “Sex and the City” fragrance. It’s called a “Snapshot of Carrie Bradshaw.”

Not gonna lie. I gather this must smell like a mixture of booze, coffee breath and cigarette smoke?

SJP says that she was trying to capture a “freeze-frame of [Carrie] walking down any New York City street at an idyllic time of year in a floral-print dress on her way to meet somebody or to do something, or surrounded by her women friends.”

Oh, great. She smells like Carrie Bradshaw in the smelly city of New York surrounded by her friends, which are likely covered with the scent of promiscuous skank.

Don’t lie, ladies! You know what you want to dab onto the nape of YOUR neck! Head to Macy’s and pick it up for $35 an ounce.

NOW, TILA TEQUILA IS GETTING MARRIED

She’s been engaged to a woman. She lost that woman to diabetes. She said she was pregnant with her brother’s baby. She hinted around that she might have lost that baby. She said she was adopting a child from Russia. So why NOT say she’s getting married?

Tila Tequila is now insisting that she’s engaged to the man who she claims got her pregnant – the result of her claiming her brother wanted her to be a surrogate mother for his child.

Her supposed ex-fiance, Casey Johnson, isn’t even cold in the ground yet, and Tequila says that she’s set to walk down the aisle with her baby daddy.

Tomorrow, she’ll likely reveal her plans to fly to the moon, where she has a vacation condo.

LINDSAY LOHAN STILL LOVES SAMANTHA RONSON

After admitting that she has/had a drug and alcohol problem, Lindsay Lohan is now ‘fessing up to still being in love with Samantha Ronson. The actress says that she was actually surprised to find herself attracted to Sam, and that she’s the only woman that she’s ever been romantically interested in.

As for the downfall of the relationship, LiLo claims that outside influences like Ronson’s family, their friends who didn’t like the idea of them dating, and the media scrutiny they lived under is what tore them apart.

Apparently, her crazy, drunken antics, coke abuse, and 3 am calls banging on Ronson’s door in full view of the paparazzi had NOTHING to do with it. Good to know.

Lindsay doesn’t seem to anticipate being with another woman in the future, and in fact says that if she and Sam don’t reconcile romantically, she’ll likely return to the almight weiner.

DIRECTOR JANE CAMPION CLAIMS SEXUAL HARASSMENT

“The Piano” and “Bright Star” director Jane Campion, along with Pakistani director Ayesha Arif Khan, have both filed sexual harassment complains against the husband of the Women’s Film Festival director – an event they just attended in India. Campion’s statement even suggests that other women were perhaps bothered by Bhaskar Deb, issuing a statement saying that multiple attendees experienced “rude and even lewd advances…and all felt shocked and angry that such a brazen fraud could be allowed to proceed unimpeded by the Indian authorities.”

Campion claims that she only attended the festival in the first place because she was told that it was being backed by the Ministry of Urban Development, but now refers to the entire event as “fraudulent.” Jane is asking that the ministry reimburse her the expenses it took for her to visit India, which total up to $10K.

Bhaskar has claimed innocence and brushed her statement off.

Like mama, like daughter! Bristol Palin has officially entered the world of show business, and will make her acting debut on “The Secret Life of the American Teenager.” The 19-year-old will play herself, actually. ABC Family has referred to Palin as “the most famous teenage mother in America.”

“Twilight” actor Robert Pattinson, the man who recently referred to himself as being “allergic to vagina,” has finally admitted that he can tolerate the nether regions of co-star Kristen Stewart. After months of refusing to acknowledge that they were dating, Robert confirmed their couplehood at Sunday’s Bafta dinner, saying, “It’s extremely difficult but we are together, yes.”