FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

PRANK OF THE YEAR

A science professor at Gustavus Adolphus College left for a week’s vacation this summer and returned to a shiny office. A very shiny office. How shiny? Well, Professor Scott Bur’s students had covered his entire office in aluminum foil. Computer screen, chairs, the ceiling, the floor - all covered in foil. Books and pens were individually wrapped, so was the phone, a ball cap, a bottle and the coffee maker.

BUSH INSPECTION

STUDIO WEB CAM

A NEW STUDY

Who would have thought

FOR SALE PRE STAINED JEANS!!!$225.00

First pre-torn jeans, now a clothing company called Clot is doing the dirty work for you by bringing you pre-stained jeans. Yes, you read that correctly – you can buy a pair of jeans that have already been stained for you. I’m just hoping they aren’t actually pre-worn (hello, pre-smell).

EMAIL OF THE DAY

I GOT HOT AND MY BOYFRIEND ISN’T HAPPY

Woman has been with her boyfriend for about 2 years. They were both a little “chubby,” but now she’s lost 30 lbs, is confident and hotter than she has ever been. Problem is, it has made her BF very insecure…

Fonseca,

“My boyfriend and I have been together for a little under two years. About eight months ago, I’d gained some weight, so I decided to get off my butt and start getting back into shape. Before, my boyfriend and I were both cute but decidedly chubby. Since then, I’ve lost about 30 lbs, my awkward hair grew out, and my skin has cleared up. I’ve always been very busty and didn’t lose any of it, and through sheer luck, I ended up with a “Joan Holloway”-type figure.

For the first time in my life, I feel really confident and love my body, and it’s the first time I fit what’s considered attractive by society. My boyfriend, though, has become very insecure. He’s just as sexy and wonderful as the day I met him, but he seems to be obsessed with the thought of me leaving him for someone “hotter.” He constantly worries that people wonder why I’m with him. On top of that, I’ve started getting a lot of unsolicited male attention - not just the typical cat callers, but being checked out, smiled/waved at, etc, which makes my boyfriend sad and mopey.

He worries about how visible my cleavage is, and discouraged me from buying a bikini, even though it was a modest vintage style one. Normally, this kind of behavior would earn him a breakup, but he’s never shown any questionable behavior in the past, and our sex life is as awesome as ever. Should I chalk it up to insecurity and give him a chance to get over it, while encouraging him and reminding him how much I want to be with him, or is this a deal breaker?”

EMAIL THE SHOW fonseca@fonsecashow.com

FONSECA TV

WHY DID YOU TURN?

FONSECA WIERD STUFF

HOW GUYS FLIRT, WHAT IT MEANS AND WHETHER OR NOT HE’S INTO YOU DECODED HERE

Last week we offered some tips for the ladies on how to properly flirt with a guy. Especially if she wants to have a chance with him. Today we offer part two of the flirting game. And yes, it’s for the ladies, again. Today we’re helping you ladies how to decode his flirting. Here are 5 types of flirting a guy does, what their flirting style says about them and whether or not they are into you (thanks, Essence.com).

THE PLAYFUL FLIRT

His romantic profile: He probably hits on a lot of women. And, while he might jump into a relationship with one of them - and it could be hot - he’s not likely to take it terribly seriously.

Is he really that into you? Sorry, but no. These people are just looking for a self-esteem boost. He’s flirting simply because he loves the way it makes him feel. It’s like a sport to him - not necessarily an avenue for a relationship at all. He may even already be in one.

THE PHYSICAL FLIRT

How you’ll recognize him: At home in a bar or dancing at a club, he’s ultra-comfortable with his body language, and an expert at reading yours (so he doesn’t push where he’s not wanted). And he’s a master at the kind of private conversation that nuzzles easily into romance.

His romantic profile: This type tends to get hot and heavy pretty fast.

Is he really that into you? He’s definitely attracted, but he’s a big flirt. So while getting together is a pretty good bet, the long haul is more iffy.

THE SINCERE FLIRT

How you’ll recognize him: You might meet him at work or through a neighbor, and mistake him for a friend. But you’ll notice he likes to talk and wants to get to know you - the inner you - and he’s out to connect emotionally. He might be cautious to make that first move. He believes it’s respectful to let the woman develop romantic interest without having to be pushed or prodded or touched.

His romantic profile: He goes a little slower than Mr. Physical. But he’s the kind of guy who has serious girlfriends with both sexual and emotional chemistry - the good stuff.

Is he really that into you? Very likely yes, and he’s looking for his next close, meaningful romance.

THE TRADITIONAL FLIRT

His romantic profile: He forms solid relationships. And he doesn’t play the field.

Is he really that into you? Absolutely. By the time he makes a move (be patient), he’s pretty certain you’re the one he wants.

THE POLITE FLIRT

His romantic profile: The Polite Flirt only bothers with someone he thinks is worth getting seriously involved with.

Is he really that into you? Most certainly, yes. Now, how you’ll even get that far with someone who’s such a non-romancer, is another question. You might have to subtly up the stakes. If you have lunch plans, change them to dinner with a few drinks, or suggest a spontaneous walk to see the sunset.

THESE MEN ARE TOTALLY OFF LIMITS AND YOU SHOULD NEVER, EVER DATE THEM

Speaking of guy flirting… The single life may sometimes be rough, but there are particular guys that are definite no-nos. And just because the pickings might sometimes be slim, that isn’t an excuse to date someone who’s off limits. Here’s a list of the top five guys you should NEVER date.

1. Your Boss - Sure, we see how dating your boss, if he’s single, could seem kind of sexy. You would probably get promoted instantaneously and receive special treatment at work. Who knows, you might even get your own office. But, it’s a huge mistake. If things go sour, you’ll be fired immediately. Then you’ll have to find a brand new job. So, unless he’s “wifing you up”, dating your boss is a terrible idea.

2. Your Best Friend’s Ex - No matter how lonely you’re feeling, there’s never a reason to date your best friend’s ex. That breaks all the rules of girl code. The same way “bros before hos” applies to men, women have a certain loyalty to each other. If you want to keep your friends, stay away from their ex’s.

3. Your Ex’s Best Friend - Dating your ex’s best friend isn’t as bad as dating your best friend’s ex, but it’s still a no-no. There are tons of men you can date who have no ties to your ex. Besides, once the relationship is on the fast track to becoming serious, you would end up running into your ex eventually, and that wouldn’t be very fun, would it?

4. Your Mom or Dad’s Best Friend - Some women have a daddy complex. They like dating older men because it makes them feel safe and secure. If you’re into dating older men, your parent’s best friend is one man you should stay away from. How creepy would it be to sleep with someone that hobnobs with the parentals? ICK!

5. Your Professor - Becoming involved with your professor, assuming he’s single, is almost as bad as dating your boss. At least the professor is only your teacher for one semester. But, it’s highly risky and probably against all school rules. After all, every time you received an A, wouldn’t you wonder if it was your skills in the classroom or the bedroom that earned you your grade?

DAMN THOSE MOSQUITOES! HERE ARE 5 FOODS THAT HELP DEFEND AGAINST BUG BITES

1. Garlic - Several days before you take a camping or hiking trip into bug-filled territory, start eating garlic. Have a clove or two every day. As you sweat out the garlic odor, it repels many insects. Maybe this is where the myth of garlic repelling bloodsuckers came from!

2. Milk - If your skin feels like it’s burning up from too much sun exposure or if itchy bug bites are driving you crazy, try using a little milk paste for soothing relief. Mix one part powdered milk with two parts water and add a pinch or two of salt. Dab it on the burn or bite. The enzymes in the milk powder will help neutralize the insect-bite venom and help relieve sunburn pain.

3. Salt - For relief from the itching of mosquito and chigger bites, soak the area in salt water, then apply a coating of lard or vegetable oil.

4. Olive Oil - It’s so satisfying to watch birds enjoying the garden bath you provide. But unfortunately, that still water is a perfect breeding ground for mosquitoes. Floating a few tablespoons of vegetable oil on the surface of the water will help keep mosquitoes from using the water, and it won’t bother the birds. But it’s still important to change the water twice a week so any larvae don’t have time to hatch.

5. Onions - Rubbing a slice of onion over your skin can be a good way to keep away mosquitoes and other biting insects.

6. Orange and Lemon Peels - If you’re not crazy about the idea of rubbing onions all over yourself to keep away mosquitoes, you may be happy to know that you can often get similar results by rubbing fresh orange or lemon peels over your exposed skin. It’s said that mosquitoes and gnats are totally repulsed by either scent.

7. Apple Cider Vinegar - Planning a camping trip? Here’s an old army trick to keep away the ticks and mosquitoes: Approximately three days before you leave, start taking 1 tablespoon apple cider vinegar three times a day. Continue using the vinegar throughout your trek, and you just might return home without a bite. Another time-honored approach to keep gnats and mosquitoes at bay is to moisten a cloth or cotton ball with white vinegar and rub it over your exposed skin.

8. Vanilla - Everybody likes the smell of vanilla. Everybody but bugs, that is. Dilute 1 tablespoon vanilla extract with 1 cup water and wipe the mixture on your exposed skin to discourage mosquitoes, blackflies, and ticks