FONSECA NET NEWS 07/29/10

July 29th, 2010 | No Comments

FONSECA PICTURE OF THE DAY

FRESH HUMAN MEAT FOR SALE!

Animal rights activists say meat is murder - and buying a steak is no different than buying a corpse. So they covered themselves in fake blood and wrapped themselves in plastic, like meat sold at supermarkets for a protest in New York City earlier this week

PANTLESS SATURDAYS

Michael Cera and Jason Schwartzman celebrate Pantless Saturdays.

EMAIL OF THE DAY

MY HUSBAND WANTS TO BE “DOWNTOWN” WHEN I GIVE BIRTH

The title says it all… “

Fonseca,

My hubby and I are pregnant with our first child, and he wants to be “down there” when our kid is born. The problem is, I really don’t want him to be. I’m afraid he’ll not want to have sex again. Is there some way I can tell him, and not upset him?”

EMAIL the SHOW FONSECA@FONSECASHOW.COM

MORE PICTURES!!! CHEWY VS THE NAZIS!!!

If this isn’t your new desktop picture by the end of the day, what’s wrong with you?

POLICE OFFICER DOES A LITTLE JIG

CLICK TO WATCH

This police officer in Sweden sure does have some sweet moves! Who knew cops there were so fun? The officer gets out of his vehicle, and gives the crowd quite a dance show

WHAT THE F### PRODUCT OF THE DAY “HICKEY TATOOS”!

THE LIPS

BRAND YOURSELF

Remember when you were 15 and you swore that the mark on your neck was from a curling iron after and not a hickey? Yeah, complete opposite idea for this product. Hickytats are for those who want hickeys that are “meaningful.” Because hickeys are all about showing mutual love for each other, right? You just place the Hickytat over the preferred body part and suck through the perforations. You’re left with a beautiful bruised message from your partner, exclaiming their love for you. Or placing their claim on you with a nice “He’s Mine” (don’t worry, there’s a “She’s Mine” one as well).

FONSECA TV

OUT TO LUNCH

Dog and turtle eat Cheerios together.

FUNNY

The meanest prank ever

FONSECA WIERD STUFF

ANNOYING THINGS DO AT THE GYM THAT WILL NEVER GET THEM A DATE

Some men go to the gym to work out. But as you know, that’s not the only reason. For men on the prowl, gyms offer all the prime elements: sparse dressing, oodles of beautiful women, a casual atmosphere – the perfect place that’s quiet enough to rope unsuspecting victims into conversations about bench pressing or a new speedboat. Here’s a helpful tip: You are not securing a date, you are completely and totally turning us off. And giving us a good laugh with our girlfriends a few hours later.

Here are 25 annoying or wimpy things guys do at gyms - even when they are not trying to pick us ladies up:

1. Sneaking peeks at themselves in the mirror. Yes, we see you.

2. Doing a Zumba class. Clarification: Doing a Zumba class really well. (Zumba is a salsa-style dance/workout class)

3. Performing the abductor or adductor machine in the “girls” section, especially after the 60-year-old grandma just hops off. (These are the inner and outer thigh machines)

4. Wearing super-tight shorts to lift weights.

5. Wearing super-loose shorts to lift weights.

6. Wearing two different color socks or sneakers or laces. On purpose.

7. Excessive sweating. Yes, you can help it. There are medications. Or towels.

8. Taking the treadmill right next to ours when there are 50 others open.

9. Talking to us while we are on that treadmill (because you know that no matter how fast we run, we can’t get away from you).

10. Thinking it’s okay to leave that puddle of sweat-water underneath your Spin bike. Dude, the towel!

11. Stalking our bench (or us?) so you can jump on it the minute we finish, as if using any of the other 40 machines at that exact moment in time would ruin your entire workout.

12. All that moaning and grunting. Is that really what you would sound like? And, if you need to grunt and yell out, those weights are probably way too heavy for you.

13. Spandex anything.

14. Talking loud with your boys about personal stuff no one wants to hear: how hungover you are, how bad you need to go to the bathroom, problems with your ladies, how you just “let one go”…

15. Taking your shirt off during a workout. We don’t care how big your pecs are. There should be a rule…

16. Carrying huge milk jugs of water around. Really, you can’t just refill a normal water bottle at the fountain?

17. Explaining how we’re doing that exercise all wrong, and acting like you are the ultimate authority on working out.

18. Asking me, “How many reps do you have left?” either as an icebreaker or as a way to intimidate us into relinquishing our machines. (Actually, we only have one set left, but because you asked us that, we’re going to tell you we have three.)

19. Forgetting to wipe off the Nautilus equipment after you use it, leaving those shiny “wet patches” on the black vinyl.

20. Wearing sweat bands. It’s not 1982 anymore.

21. Dousing the cologne. We’re doing a lot of huffing and puffing here, and oxygen is at a premium, ya know? It’s enough to make us pass out, and at least sweat is natural and not a caustic chemical that smells bad to boot.

22. Talking on your cell phone. But that goes for everyone.

23. Muscle shirts, tank tops, racer-back tops … the whole lot. Especially if your body hair density approaches anything close to that of Roman Polanski.

24. Those BIG headphones. Yes, more secure than ear buds when you’re on the move, but they look so goofy.

25. Taking steroids. We can tell. We can all tell.

Did we miss any??

USE THESE CANDIES TO SPICE UP YOUR SEX LIFE

Maybe you’ve incorporated whipped cream or strawberries into your sexcapades, but you’ve probably never used these treats in the bedroom. Behold, some very creative ideas that involve sugar, you, your guy, and a whole lotta pleasure. But don’t be fooled - there’s nothing sweet about any of them. Wink, wink.

Candy Necklace - Turn one of these into an edible garter. Wear it underneath a skirt or dress, give your guy a sneak peek while you’re out, then have him eat it off you slooowly when you get home.

Melted Chocolate - Warm up a chocolate bar in the microwave for 15 seconds or until it’s gooey around the edges but not totally melted. Stand in the tub without the water on or on top of an old sheet and have him use the bar to draw a trail down your body. Ask him to lick it up without lifting his tongue off of your skin.

Warheads - Blindfold your guy or send him into another room. Suck on the sour candy for a few seconds before running it over five unexpected hot spots on your body—like behind your knees, on your left nip, or near your collarbone. Then he has to use his sense of taste to find those areas. If he gets all five right, pass him a Warhead and ask him to challenge you.

Sour Belts - While you’re making out, use the belts to playfully whip each other’s butts. Spanking releases feel-good endorphins and dopamine, which up the pleasure factor and increase arousal and excitement.

Hot Tamales Candy Spray - Use the spray version of this red-hot cinnamon candy to graffiti each other’s bodies. See which one of you can come up with the naughtiest image or dirtiest phrase. And yeah, you should take turns licking it off.

Candy Buttons - Peel off the dots, lick the back then stick them to all the places you want your guy to pay extra attention to. He has to eat them off your body before you switch roles.

YEP, YOUR CELL PHONE IS DIRTIER THAN A TOILET BOWL FLUSHER (HANDLE)

Cell phones are covered with considerably more living bacteria than the flusher handle in a public bathroom. This was the finding of the British consumer group “Which?” after testing 30 cell phones for environmental bacteria. Seven of the phones had bacterial levels that exceeded those recommended by health authorities. One was so infested it could give anyone who used it an upset stomach.

In general, the elevated levels of bacteria found on cell phones aren’t immediately harmful, but can act as breeding ground for more serious germs. Cleaning your phone with an alcohol wipe should sufficiently detoxify it. Ewwwwwww!!!

Posted in Fonseca news